Mii Story...

Well am gonna start off by tellinq y'all am gonna give the people in mii story "Fake Names" Jus for personal reasons..So that said here goes nothinq!!!

Mii name is Alii i was born in Kismayoo, 1992.Thats when the fight in Somalia was at its peak! Mii family fled to Kenya and thats where i grew up.Mii family is big and we all lived together...Mii Cousin Ahmed was 2 years older than mii but we hanged all the tyme.He was mean and evil jus how older brothers are suppose to be but i enjoyed followin him around,even tho he didn't like it most of the tyme.. We quicky pick up Swahili and that was the main launguage for us kids at home!

When I started Madarasa the girls and boys were separated... It was okay at first cuz i liked hangin with the boys then the girls started playin,like when u clap hands together idk wat is it called but girls play it! So i wanted to play it all the tyme but mii frinds were makin fun of mii...I started goin early to Madarasa so i could play that game with the girl! When the boys weren't there. It was fun and i felt so Comfortable playin with them than playin with the boys! I started actin all girly, like lookin at people up and down and rollin mii head! I didn't feel like i was doin sumthin wrong neither did the girls...But the boys they were mad abt it! Thats wen the teasin and Bullyin started... Mii cousin Ahmad was defendin mii but i didn't feel lyk he was defendin mii enough!

Then when i was 10 we started Skool... A new Muslim skool.I started learnin English. Then when i was 11 thats when i started bein attracted to boys! I felt EXTREMLY shy around the ones i liked and avoided them as much as i could.I didnt know i was gay! I didn't know there was that word! I jus knew i was diffrent and loved guys not girls! Till one day wen i saw this movie and there were two guys who were gay! I was like there are people like mii in the world! I felt impowered,I felt amazin!!!When Ahmad was out playin football with the guys i was sittin watchin tv or cleanin the dishes with Ahamd's older sister Fatumo! She was everythin to mii,she was funnii and she always stood up for mii wen mii uncles call mii girly!!! It wasn't easy avoidin the guys in skool tho cuz they came home with Ahmad and hanged in ur room...

Mii first "LOVE" was a guy called Musa.. He was everythin i wanted! Hot, Sweet, Kind and deffinately NOT like the other jerks! He was the same age as mii cousin.One day he came to our house askin for Ahamd "i thought" but he said he wanted to talk to mii...I was like okay lets go in the house..He wanted sum help with his Swahili homework! It was all OKAY with mii as long as i was spendin tyme with him...He came few more tymes and i felt more comfortable with him!

The visits became more frequent and some tymes he jus came to hang out! So one day he asked mii if i ever had sex? I was like umm noo, i asked him the same and he said yes! He asked mii why because i always had girls around mii! That was the question i got asked all the tyme and it got mii really annoyed! I told him that the girls were all mii friends and i considered them all as sisters! The conversation about sex continued each tyme he came around and it got deeper each tyme!

One day the house was empty and it was only mii and mii cousin and he left! Then Musa showed up! It was rare that the house was empty...As i was gettin up to get him a drink he put his hands on mii behind and rubbed it a little! It was very random and strange..I was shocked but i didn't react and went to the kitchen to get him his drink! He followed mii to the ktchen and started to kiss mii! I was like WOAH!!! but loved every minute of it! After kissin he asked if i ever did anythin with a boy and i told noo! He asked if i wanted to...u know... And i was like huh? I didn't know guys did that and i thought it would hurt!But we continued and it happend...Mii first experince..

It was AMAZIN to as the least and i loved every moment of it! Mii and Musa continued to have our lil "Affair"...Till i was 14 when i realized that Musa was regretin wat we were doin! I felt smaller than an Ant! I felt horrible and guilty! Cuz i loved him and he was regretin wat we had...!!!

I had mii first heartbreak...Mii first love lost! And i knew it would jus get worse from there on...He didn't wanna end it but when u regret bein with mii thats a deal breaker!!! After hard year of avoidin Musa and tryin to forget him i learned that we would be goin the US and that jus made mii heart skin more! I mean i was tryin to forget him but i didn't wanna lose him cuz i stilled loved him...(still do)! He found out that i was leavin and he came to mii house the night before we were leavin..He apologized and said he didn't wanna be Khaniis but he loved mii and he was afraid of goin to hell!Am a sucker for his smile and touches that i jus kissed him and said i love u too and i will never forget u!lOl

I came to the US on 2006 November! I thought i was in a dream!hehe..I loved it here and we seattled in! The first thing mii unlcle who lived here told us was there are "GUYS" here! Meanin there were gays here...Somali accents!lol! I have seen mii share of gay guys in skool and around the area but i want a guy who is gay from mii own race!

I know mii battles and struggles are NOT even half way done! But i know with the help i get from here i will get through it MUCH easier!So there is mii 17 year old storii and i hope y'all enjoyed it!!!!!!

hi ali,

what a nice story that u wrote.. i like it so much.. it showed me a lot about ali's feeling the real ali..
thnx for sharing ur story i like it so much.. wish u all the best my friend ali

Mustafa

Thanx Mustaf...

Alii,

I praise you for sharing your personal story with us brother.

It is heart breaking to know that you have been bullied for being different and having feelings that you could not express in words. It is even heart breaking to know that your first sweet love was too whirl winded by emotional turmoil that he could't understand either.

I however, think and belief that you came out of the situation a lot stronger and wiser youngman and that you will continue to do so, which i have no doubt about it.

My heart goes to everyone who is in their early stages of true sexual self discovery and more to the kids who can put words to their feelings.

At the moment my expectations about the somali community in this department is extremely low but I am hoping that the goverment in this country will do something about it just as they did in the Netherlands.

For matter of opnion, at what age do you think that we could talk to kids about the existance of different sexuality or do you hold the beleif that talking would do more damaging than to help so we should never discuss it with them. Please think in relation to your personal experience rather than what the social norms say when when you are trying to answer this question.

Thanks

Thanx Muraad...

I really appricaite it!! And for the question u asked...I belive people should let their children be open minded and not tell them one way is right and the other is wrong! Because that does more damage to the child even if he is gay! Cuz that conflict of religion and culture and the fact that he/she is gay might cause serious psychological problems!!!

Hi,
I am new here.

I just read your story and I can't believe that happened to you at such a young age and that you had sex at the age you mention. Its so mindbogglingly to me because having grown up here in the West kids don't have sex that early before age 14.

I must say your cousin shouldn't have taken advantage of you.You were a little kid. Shame on him. I hope this hasn't impacted you psychologically.

You're 17 now right ?, don't worry that much about finding a guy. You should concentrate on school and building yourself both inside and outside. Yes your gay, but whether you were straight or not, its always good to wait. Most young gay guys today get to caught up in the scene and living a gay life that they forget about their education and self worth. And also since your new to the U.S you can work on your grammar and English writing skills so you can to university and have a good career. I am in university right and English is the only language I know and its not easy writing 20 page essays.

Good luck with everything.

Aiden...

Ummm Mii cousin didn't take advantage of mii! You misread it,I didn't do anythinwith mii cousin wat so ever... And yea thanx!(I think)

That's a beautiful story Ali!!

Thanx 613brotha.....

I'm sorry I misunderstood.

Anyways stay in School ! Go to College ! Improve your grammar and writing/spelling (everything doesn't an extra 'i') It doesn't make you look good when you write like that.

And don't worry too much about finding a guy.Spend the time you have now on improving yourself both inside and outside, relationships take too much energy and time out of your life. Plus your young.

For 17 I think you're still too young to engage in gay sex. It pays too wait. If you do please stay safe, wear a condom, and remember regardless the onus to be safe when having sex is always on you and not your partner. There are a lot of sexually transmitted disease out there.