I dont know where to start even but hey many thanks to the one who craeted this site helped me alot already. But i have to warn cuz am not as good writers as some here so work with me

As i was sitting in my living room my mom came to me and said am thinking about going to somalia for a vacation and i want you to come with me. I was like mom isnt there a war right now over there and she replied well I'e been there twice already and besides where we're going is much more peaceful then Mogadishu and it hit me maybe i should go to my homecountry and see it with my own eyes. I was 16 and full of life and energy had just completed my secondary school education and finally felt my dads job was a bit permanent and we wouldnt have to move again. My dad is a diplomat and is from UAE but I always considered myself rather somali then mixed or anything else for that matter. Besides my somali part of my family were really open-minded people and sociable and very liberal. I thought do really want to spend your summer holidays in somalia where probably the internet is so slow you wont even bother and cant get all those silly things you love to use everyday like hot-water and Mcdonalds. At least i wont be sent back home to dubay like every summer for islamic behaviour courses ( and every somali who's lived in the Khaleej or the Gulf will know this)and just was waste of time because I thought i know what i could do and dont do, but after many convincing discussions I agreed and my dad though it would be the best thing for me to get in 'touch' with the somali part of me. After i asked for my best friend to join me we where set to go. I wasnt going to be all alone there and have no one to talk to then family. As we stepped of the airplane it something hit me in the stomach it wast the heat or the smell but the people and everyone i saw for miles were somalis

We went into the jeep and went to a house my mom built and i just could wait to go to downtown. I took a shower and changed clothes and started to walk with my friend and at least I had someone there who i could explore the place i was in. Then somebody yelled xamaraawi I laughed but not offended as I had so many times and I was definetly not going to tell them where am from because then the whole city is going to hear bells ringing 'the dollar man has arrived'

So as i had probably suqaar and steak for 4 days my friend Elias suggested we try this chinese restaurant called Ming-Sing in Hargeysa and besides its full of people like us ('foreigners' or dhaqan-celis in somali) and they play some music in the evening. So as we went there and had a nice dinner they played Donnel Jonnes and the real 'feel' of the trip kicked in we were in somalia and listening to You Know Wats Up. Then this guy who was tall and beautiful olive skin complexion walks up to me and says Where you from?. I started to laugh am in my own country and this guy says where you from. Its like wherever you go that question will haunt you everywhere but not in dubay where even can recognise me from what am wearing. I said am from London and that actually where i was living so it felt right. But i wouldnt have been botherd about it but then the stomach pain i had when i landed kicked in again. I though i had food poisoning but i went to the hospital the next day and everything was fine. That next day i was feeling rest-less i wanted to go back to that 'club' and my friend who we've been friends since our mothers use bath us together asked why i liked the place so much and at least i had a good excuse that was actually the only place that offerd some entertainment in the evenings. So we went there again and I saw the guy again and he wanted to know why I left so quick the other day. I just said my stomach was felling a bit funny and he said thats normal i had it when i came from south africa. And there our conversion kicked off and we were just talking for hours about how Somalia was and all the funny sides to it and happily enough and that why i loved him so much but my friend always was the social guy and quickly clicked with some new friends and didnt fell lonely. As it was already 2am we headed for home and Ismail promised us he would show us around the city as he already was there for 3 weeks. That night i had the same feeling again but it was much more pleasant this time but i was thinking about Ismail this time. But it was a feeling of friendship and how comfortable i felt around him rather then in sexual terms. The next day we toured the city and then my mom calls me on my mobile( the first thing i did was to buy a sim card) and tells me to come home. I said but i cant mom is it really important and that was it i knew i had to go. I apoligised to Ismail and him and my friend went and had fun and I had to come back. My mom said my grand mother was in Bosaso and we had to come and visit and my mom went to town and bought us some tickets and came back. She just said were going 2morrow so let Elias know were gonna go for a week and come back and if wants to come and his familly allows it he can join us. But then i felt weird and the only thing i could think about was Ismail. My mom was thinking it was the stomach again but i just went to the toilet and sat there. Mom knocked at the door all the time but the only thing i could say was am alright and just want to be alone for a while. My mom called my father thinking there's something major wrong but hey when you have a somali mom you will understand it they're just to protective of themselves. My mom told my father i acted so strange when she told me that were going to see my grand mother which i havent seen for so many years but instead of being happy he went to the toilet. My dad suggested i should go to a shrink and let some read Quran over me cuz he though i was over whelmed by the situation over there but boy didnt they know including me. I looked at the mirror why when confronted about going for a trip to your grand mom did u think about that guy. All these ideas went through my mind but nothing was clear it was like reading a 500 page book and not being able to tell a single thing about it. That next day I went to my friend told him about the news and to my dis-belief he wanted to come even tough he had so much family in Hargeysa. Then i called Ismail and told him to come by my ouse and so he did. I didn know how i would tell but then i told myself you've done this before, everytime you went on a holiday you would meet someone who's same age as you and also on holiday and you'd be sad that he's flying back the opposite side of the world and you're going somewhere else. I looked down all the time i was telling him about the trip and he said well i see there in 3 days. I just couldnt belief what he just said but he gave a clapp on my back and said ma anagaa wali is baraney ( We havent even started to get to know eachother). And he said he had to go home and do something but would meet up over a pool game. My freind came over and saw how excited i was and asked if i met some nice girl or something and it hit. All the mixed emotions and one time feelin like am high and the next time so sad it was just there in front of my eyes. It was him, but i could grasp it I just couldnt understand it just didnt feel right and i felt weird about it. Why would i be so happy and the next minute so sad over i guy I've known for 2 weeks and this suppose to happen whith girls not guys, and he was 19 and three years older than me what was it that we had in common but after some salty sea breeze from the Gulf of Aden would clear up some minds and besides i had a flight to catch


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