We’ve all been on the same journey but have just taken different routes. Some struggle with it from the start or after their first gay sexual encounter and some are even still battling it now.
This journey has taken many people close to breaking point and others to where death is the only answer. No-one said this would be a stroll in the park, this is Homosexuality.
My experience started off in a dark and cold place where I felt alone but this wasn’t a place I knew or a place I could see or touch. It came with strong feelings, this is a place within ourselves where we struggle to keep our secrets and feelings hidden. THIS WAS MY MIND!!!
I was around the age of 13 that I first started looking at boys differently. I slowly started accepting the idea that I might be gay, but it was hard because everywhere I looked all I saw were heterosexual couples. They were on TV, on the buses and even at school…boys were starting to look at girls differently and started talking about sex.
I remember watching an episode of Dawson’s Creek when Pacey started to date Joey, then that got me thinking is that how I should be? Am I meant to feel what I feel? But I thought ‘I cant’ I’m Muslim’. For about the rest of that year my moods where all over the place, 1 minute I’d be on a high the next depressed, until one day when I was feeling kind of shitty I brought myself to look in the mirror and tell myself ‘I’m gay and that I like men and I know as well as Allah that I didn’t choose to be gay but it can be natural too and I will live my life, and my business will be between me and my God’ and that’s the same mentality I still have till this day.
The beginning of me coming out was when my older sister found some gay material on the computer…I was a bit careless and forgot to delete the history so I decided to just tell her about my sexuality. After I told her she cried and at first she didn’t like the idea that her little brother was gay but the love she has for me helps her over look it. One of the good things about being out to her is we can chat about relationships, men, shopping etc…But not all coming out stories are so rosy.
IF YOU DON’T FEEL READY OR SAFE TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR SEXUALITY THEN DON’T, JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE OUT TO A FEW PEOPLE LIKE CLOSE FRIENDS DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE OUT TO EVERYONE. AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND ARE SAFE, THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.
Well I hope I gave you the peace of mind you came looking for knowing that you’re not the only person who has to deal with this. You now have the choice of not doing it alone and I hope you find it in this site.
…remember guys and girls “LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE”
If you want to know what the scientists say about sexual orientations, in particularly homosexuality, please click on this link http://www.apa.org/topics/orientation.html as it will lead you to the credible American Psychology Association.